“Mrs. Bob Cratchit's Wild Christmas Binge”

By Christopher Durang

Edison Valley Playhouse, December, 2006

Directed by David Christopher
Produced by Anthony J. Cantalupo
Sets by Bill Sesselberg

The Cast:

Joyel Crawford……………………….The Ghosts
Joe Vierno…………………………….Ebenezer Scrooge
Arlene Britt…………………………...Mrs. Bob Cratchit
Bill Martinak………………………….Bob Cratchit
Sam Oglivie…………………………...Tiny Tim
Amy Toporek………………………….Little Nell, Dutch girl, etc.
Vince Pelosi…………………………...Mr. Fezziwig, Clarence, etc.
Rhondi Sabo…………………………..Mrs. Fezziwig, Nice Mrs. Cratchit, etc.
Brandon Gulya………………………..Jacob Marley, Dutch boy, etc.
Scarlett Pepitone……………………...Young Jacob, Child 1, etc.
Chris Morrissey………………………Young Ebenezer, Child 2, etc.

Let the Play begin:
”Hello. I am the Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come, including all media yet to be invented.”
“Hark the Herald Angels, sing” ”Bah, Humbug, get me a good hamburger”	“Glory to the new born….eeeeeek!”
“You two are dealing with self hatred, and you don’t even know it.”	“Why don’t I have any lines?” “Why does the sun come up in the morning?”

“It’s Nearly Christmas”

”Merry Christmas, Mr. Scrooge” “Blaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!”

”Here are the Cratchits, Bob and Tiny Tim. It’s sweet and it’s touching, Bob watches over him.”

”We love Christmas, We love Christmas, Christmas Day…(Boom)”

At Home with the Bob Cratchits
“Gladys, we’re home! Tiny Tim so enjoyed looking in the store windows at all the treats he can’t have.”	“The children are always so hungry, it’s kind of cute.”
“Why do they call her ‘Little Nell’, she’s enormous.”	“Swig, Swill, and drink lots of beer; get drunk and fall down, It’s Christmas my dear”
“I call upon awl de forces of de wind and de sea to bring Mrs. Bob Cratchit back to ‘er propah ‘ome, right NOW!”
”Darling, must you continually tell Little Nell she looks like a bowl of oatmeal?”
“Well, you’re gonna eat sushi, and like it!”	“I’ve had enough. Wallowing in consumption, poverty, no food, no money, isn’t what I signed up for!”
“Well, all I can say is…… ( ZAAAAAAP!) …….Aaaaaaarrrrgh”
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

Scrooge at the Office and at Home
“You amuse me. Slap yourself again!”	”How much can we put you down for?” ”Nothing!”
”Yes, your Grace.”
”A Christmas present from all your grateful friends and relatives.” ”Really? That doesn’t seem very likely.”	”That is an energy unit that we in the afterlife have fashioned into a zapper.”
”Ummm, I love white socks. They’re so clean, useful”	”Why do you have a beard, now?” ”Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho, ho, I dawn’t knauw”
”Do you recognize me, Ebenezer?” “Not really.”
”Scrooooge! I come with a warning!”
”The first spirit will come when the clock strikes one.”	Minions-of-the-Night at work.

Fun at the Fezziwigs & Xmas in Holland
“Good King Wenceslaus looked out, on the Feast of Stephen, As the snow lay deep about, Duh, Duh, Duh and even.”		”Eat, Drink, and be Merry, play games under mistletoe berry.”
”Everyone get ready to drink some Christmas punch, spiked with a little Christmas cheer. and get ready to dance a merry dance with our …………		..…..two matrimonially available daughters.”
”Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christ…..MAS!
(Happy, Dutch Christmas music)	”Oh, Hedwig, what happened to your beautiful, long hair?		”Oh, Edvar, how I hate Christmas!”

My 3 angels, and the situations that they created
Clarence	The littlest angel		Monica
”Let’s focus on the new baby, Hee Haw.”		”Yes, Little Willie, she is the best mummy in Christendom. She is perfection.”
”Arf, Arf, Arf” “Clop, Clop, Clop” (to the tune of “Dreidle Dreidle, Dreidle”)		”Oh, Leona, you’re so mean. Do something mean, let me watch.”
”Serena, you’re fired!”

”Hip Hooray and Yup-de-doo, We feel happy through and through.
Though we’re poor we have such fun, so God bless us everyone!”

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